


Bareil

by Trilled



Series: Forged in the Fire of our Fears [6]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: F/F, F/M, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:20:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26097025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trilled/pseuds/Trilled
Summary: Kira's relationship with Vedek Bariel, as negotiated while also dating Dax.
Relationships: Bareil Antos/Kira Nerys, Jadzia Dax/Kira Nerys
Series: Forged in the Fire of our Fears [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1790863
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	1. Negotiations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First chapter set early second season.

"You're distracted honey." Dax asked of Kira as they sat together in Dax’s quarters.

"Huh?" Kira looked up suddenly from her hand of cards. 

"It’s your turn. Do you really want to play, or just talk?"

"I'm fine Zia, really." Kira scanned through her cards, trying to find one to throw out.

Dax took Kira's cards, laying them face down on the table so she wouldn’t see them. "Is something bothering you? You've been distracted all week since Starfleet was out here for us to debrief them about the attempted Bajoran coup and our role in it. I know a lot happened for you, but this feels like something more has resurfaced."

"Really, I'm fine." Kira went to pick the cards back up, but Dax held her hand over them, looking into Kira's eyes in a way that she had never been able to shake off or hide from her. "Okay, but don't judge me before you hear everything. I know you're not really the person I should talk to about this, but you're the only one who knows about us."

Dax went to hold Kira's hand in a reassuring way, but she pulled away.

"You know that Vedek I've been talking to recently? The one who helped rescue us when we crashed on Bajor.”

"Bareil?"

"Yeah, him. I stayed at his monastery on Bajor for a while when I returned home. Often in the evening we would share a meal together, go for long walks and talk. He's a very knowledgeable man, and while his views on many prophecies is... contradictory, we could discuss things for hours."

"And this is the first time you've befriended another man since you were arrested during the Occupation?"

"Well apart from Odo, but I don’t see him in the same way. Odo is rather asexual." She looked into Dax's eyes, wishing that there were an easier way to tell her. "Its just that, well, looking back over what happened during that time, I get the distinct feeling that I think he wants us to be more than friends. I don't know what to do if he ever does try anything, but there’s a part of me wants to know if I would be able to pull it off." Her heart pounded hard in her chest, waiting for Dax to react. "I swear Jadzia, nothing has happened between us. We're just friends. It's just a thought in the back of my mind. I haven't acted on it."

Slowly Dax smiled. "I think its wonderful Nerys." Kira looked shocked at her reaction as Dax came to sit next to her on the couch. "When we first started going out, you were still so traumatised by your experiences during the Occupation. If you want to try being with a man, why don't you? I know you're still trying to figure everything out about your sexuality, this might help."

"No Jadzia, I don't want to end us.” Kira pleaded with her. “You know that I love you."

"Who said anything about breaking up? Have you ever been in an open relationship?" Kira shook her head. "You and I, we stay together, nothing changes. But we can work out a few rules that both of us agree on and if either of us wants to be with someone else, then we talk about it, and if we both feel happy about it, we let things happen."

“What? All three of us together?” Kira shook her head. “No, no way!”

“Well, not unless you want to.” She held one of Kira’s hands, gesturing between them both with their fist. “You and I, we’re together and it is this beautiful, loving relationships we have built over the last year.” Dax nodded at her, waiting for Kira to nod in understanding. She held Kira’s other hand in hers, apart from her other. “And then you have a relationship, or a date, or even just some uncomplicated sex with someone you’re interested in and fits our agreements. I can do the same with someone I am interested in.”

"So you'd be happy if I slept around with other people?" Kira asked, unsure if what she was hearing was correct.

"I'd prefer that you didn't have a relationship with other women because what we have together is special. That would be my main rule. And that whatever happens with another person, that you still love me."

"Are you serious? You honestly wouldn't mind me sleeping with another man?" Kira seemed surprised by the idea, unable to take it all in.

"I swear on Curzon's grave. I’m sure everyone thinks about it at some stage. Some people ignore it, some people lie and cheat, and others discuss it and come to this type of arrangement. There are many polyamorous cultures."

"You've thought of sleeping with someone else?"

"I have to admit that I do enjoy having sex with a man. It’s so... so primal, so raw. And out here on a space station with so many different species travelling through here, there are plenty of other interesting options that would be fun to try. Like you, I haven't acted on it, but if you were okay with it then I might."

"I... I don't know. It's still cheating though."

"How can it be cheating if we both agree to it? If you feel uncomfortable with it then we won't, but I'm giving you the offer. Also this might be another way of disguising our relationship so that Bajoran authorities don't suspect you of any illegal activities with women.” Dax grinned at her, kissing her nose, even more wrinkled as Kira furrowed her brow. “Clearly you need to think about this some more, and we need to work it out fully, what you want from this arrangement, what I want, and to make sure jealousy doesn’t become an issue.”

“I just don’t know. I was just starting to settle into this idea of who I am and exploring my sexuality as someone who likes women.”

“You don’t have to be so rigid with who you’re attracted to, or choose to sleep with. You can like both sexes. Or many.”

“Many?” Kira looked at her surprised.

“Some species have multiple different sexes. Not everyone can be divided neatly into either male or female because even binary species have variations even between the two sexes."

“I had no idea.” 

“I’m sure if you looked hard enough on Bajor you would find those who blur the lines between male and female.”

Kira sighed. “I was just hoping for an uncomplicated game of cards tonight, and you end up giving me a biology and sociology lesson which completely changes everything I thought I knew.”

“That’s okay, my sweet little palukoo.” Dax ruffled her hair.

Kira glared at the condescending name, picking up her cards and slapping down one to discard. “There, now it’s your turn.”

“You can’t start this discussion and then pretend it never happened.”

“I didn’t want to talk about it in the first place.” Kira reminded her, getting up and ordering a drink from the replicator. “I am more than happy to just forget this all.”

“I’m not. You’ve obviously been thinking about this.” Dax took her hand as she sat back down. “I don’t mind if you want to explore these feelings you have with this Vedek.”

“I don’t know if I have feelings for him, other than friendship.”

“It never stopped you in the Resistance.” Dax reminded her.

“Those weren’t feelings. That was stress relief and sex.”

“Okay, I don’t mind if you have sex with the Vedek then. Or whatever you want to do with him. And we can always talk about him, no matter what you two do.”

Kira nodded, staring at her cards and waiting for Dax to take her turn. 

Dax picked up a card, musing over what she had in her hand and discarded one. “Are you going to talk about it?”

“Nope.” Kira shook her head. She looked at her cards, shuffling them around in her hand. She looked about ready to say something, then had a sip of the drink. Dax looked at her expectedly, knowing there was something formulating in her mind. “Would I have to tell him about us?” She asked cautiously.

“Normally I would say only complete and open honestly with all involved parties, but I realise that might not be possible given the situation with Bajoran laws. I’ll leave that up to you to decide. I won’t make you.”

Kira nodded, looking down at her cards again.

“How would you feel about me sleeping with someone else?”

“Uh,” Kira paused, not sure how she felt. “I don’t know. This is all... I never even knew this was something people did until five minutes ago. I guess it’s only fair that if I do, then you can too.”

Dax gentle stroked her cheek. “How about we sleep on it and discuss it another day when you’ve had time to think about it?” 

“Okay. I just don’t want it to change things between us.”

“It doesn’t have to. And it won’t change that I am incredibly attracted to you.” Dax smiled happily, leaning in for a kiss. 

“Oh,” Kira pulled back from Dax at the last minute, “and I’m not your palukoo. You hate spiders, and I eat them.”

Dax grinned at Kira. “I’ve never tried eating them before.” Dax pounced on Kira, pushing her back on the couch as she kissed along her collar bone. “Maybe I should."

“Dammit Dax, you undo me completely.” She laughed at the absurdity of Dax’s comment, forgetting about their card game and discussions for a while.


	2. After Shadowplay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kira tells Dax that she's finally started a relationship with Vedek Bariel, with some reservations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What happened after the episode Shadowplay.  
> It is a very dialogue heavy conversation.

Missing out on their usual date night due to Dax being on an away missing in the Gamma quadrant with Odo, Dax invited Kira over the next evening once she returned.

“So what’s this game?” Kira asked, getting the snacks Dax requested from the replicator and watching as she set up counters around the game board.

“Its an Earth game called Backgammon.” Dax quickly checked her dataPadd. “Just need to make sure I have all the counters in the right place.”

“Looks interesting.” Kira commented, picking up the dice in her hand and looking at the sides of it. “I know what this is. We have something similar for Bajoran games. I assume the dots represent the number of turns or moves or something. We just have numbers on ours.”

“They do. But I do have to finish telling you about this planet we went to.”

“The hologaphic villiage.”

“It was incredible. The level of programming to make something like that was amazing. I’ve heard of self aware holograms, but this was at another level. A whole village of self aware holograms who were reproducing and making baby holograms, and living full lives.”

“That sounds pretty amazing. Did you find who wrote the program?”

“One of the residents of the village, Rurigan. He was an old man, but he built it thirty years ago when his own village was taken over by the Dominion. You should have seen Odo, I think he finally let go of a bit of that hard shell of his. There was this little girl there, maybe 6 or 7 years old. Rurigan's granddaughter. Chatty little thing, told us about all the disappearances in the village. But she wasn’t afraid of the Constable, telling him local folk lore about Changelings. That’s what her people call shapeshifters. He seemed quite enamoured by her. But just before we left, Odo turned into a spinning top for her.”

“Really? Odo doesn’t shapeshift on request, and definitely not to show off. She really must have made an impression on him.” Kira seemed surprised. “I would have liked to see it.”

“It was pretty interesting to see. But enough about my trip away, how was your week? Doctor Bashir was telling me how you had him playing spy on Quark.”

“Yeah, its been an interesting week.” Kira pointed to the plate with sweet cakes on it. “What was this one again?”

“Miazahl. I think you liked it last time. You said it tasted like flowers.”

Kira took the small cake, nibbling the edge and remembering the sweet floral flavour. “That’s right. I did like this one.”

“So what happened here?”

“Oh, just Quark smuggling stuff, trying to get it past me since Odo was away. Nothing much.”

“Well it doesn’t sound interesting when you put it that way.”

Kira looked down at the cake for a while. “I kissed him Jadzia.” She blurted out suddenly.

“Who? Quark?”

“What? No!”

“Doctor Bashir?”

Kira looked at her in surprise at the suggestion. “No!”

“Then who? Odo?” Dax ventured, trying to work out who else they’d been talking about.

“Odo? Can he even...? No!” She took a deep breath. “Vedek Bareil.”

“Ooh.”

“Quark had Prylar Rhit invite Bareil to the station to distract me.” She explained, glancing up from the cake in her hand to see Dax’s reaction.

“Sounds like he did.” Dax grinned at Kira, giving her a hug. “So, how was it?”

Kira thought for a moment. “Weird.”

“Weird?”

“Wet.” Kira added.

Dax burst out laughing. “Weird and wet. Sounds horrible.”

Kira looked at Dax, feeling confused by the whole experience. “It was. Maybe he’s not good at kissing, or maybe I just really don’t like men kissing me. He was just all lips and they were very... moist.” She slipped her arm behind Dax and cuddled into her side. “Nothing compared to you.”

“Good to know I’m not weird or wet."

"Well I can’t remember if it was like that with past... um... encounters I’ve had. But I didn’t enjoy this at all.”

“So there won't be a second date?” Dax asked, curious. 

“Actually, I didn’t say no to the idea. I’m going to try and get planet-side again soon.” Kira admitted, finished the small bite of cake.

“Oooh. So there might be the chance for sex. Do you think he’s better at that than he is with kissing, or will it be weird and wet too?”

“I don’t know how long it will take for me to be ready for that step. Or if I even want to with him. We agreed to take it slow. And he’s fairly occupied with the upcoming election of the new Kai.”

“So you’re feeling more comfortable with our open arrangement?”

“I guess so. Or more that the opportunity presented itself and I knew you wouldn’t mind.”

“Just that I didn’t want to do anything unless you were certain.”

“You’ve found someone else too?”

“A ship captain by the name of Boday.”

“Oh.” Kira seemed surprised that Dax had someone else ready to go. “What have you done with him?” remembering past conversations Kira quickly corrected herself. “Or her? Or is it them?”

“It’s him, and we’ve just talked at Quark’s, but there was some mutual flirting. I met him just before I went away, so sorry I didn’t get to say anything to you until now. I explained about us and he’s happy to wait until you were comfortable. He’s got a wife and a husband, so he knows what it’s like to have to negotiate.”

“Both wife and husband?” Kira was surprised.

“He’s a freighter Captain, so it’s not like he’s home all the time, and Gallamites are a polygamous society and may take multiple spouses. It’s just going to be something casual if he’s on the station. And if you’re happy with it.”

“Look, I’m fine with it... today. I’ll let you know if my feelings change. This is all really new to me. I’ve never done this before, and its not a very Bajoran thing to do.”

“And that’s perfectly acceptable. But I do want details of how this all happened between you and Bareil. Give me all the gossip. When did it happen? Who made the first move?” Dax curled up with Kira, holding her tenderly as they talked.

“It happened after I beat him at several games of Springball...”


	3. After The Collaborator

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kira physically talks to Dax about her anger for the new Kai and the development of her relationship with Vedek Bareil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What happened after the episode The Collaborator.

Dax sat in Sisko’s office, musing over the last chess move he had just made.

“Starfleet expects me to work with whomever the Bajorans vote in as Kai, but I really don’t like her.” Sisko lent back in his chair.

Dax made her move suddenly. “Well you’re in good company around here. Chief O’Brien hates her too after what she did with the school. And Major Kira...” She paused, unsure of how to describe the five minute long tirade she’d heard from Kira when they had been conducting investigations into Bariel's activities during the Occupation.

“Yes?”

“Kira is in conflict. She absolutely despises the women, but respects the position of Kai without question.”

“That is a difficult position to be in.”

“You didn’t hear the nearly five minutes of Bajoran cussing from her.” Dax smirked. “I learnt some new words.”

“As long as she keeps it professional on duty.”

“Kira could probably use some guidance with that. And you know Curzon was never good with respecting positions of power if the person didn’t deserve my respect.”

Sisko lent back and laughed, “Remember that time Old Man, when you were jailed for a day for calling the President of Hekaras II...”

The door buzzer sounded, Kira standing on the other side having just returned to the station from Bajor.

Sisko stopped the story, calling for the doors to open.

Kira walked in, duffle bag still slung over her shoulder from travelling and jaw set. “Just reporting back from Bajor, sir.” Kira announced.

“Welcome back Major. I see things went... as expected.” He studied her, her rage quite visible on her face, but under control.

“They did sir, and now we have Kai Winn.” She almost spat the name out. “Sorry I’m a day late. I thought I should put in an appearance at the official ceremony.”

“No need to apologise. I’m glad you were able to attend, even if the circumstances of who won aren’t the best.”

Kira’s shoulders slumped with the news she hadn’t told Sisko yet. “Bareil didn’t need to step down. The logs were correct and he was out of communication until after the massacre. But...” She was hesitant to share what she had learnt.

“Yes Major? You found out who gave the information?”

“Sir, this news would cripple Bajor if it were known.”

“Understood. We’ll keep it classified. Need to know only.”

Kira nodded, looking to Dax and then back to Sisko. “It was Kai Opaka.”

“Opaka!” Sisko looked alarmed.

“Wow, she sacrificed her own son.” Dax was both surprised and in awe.

“She saved twelve hundred people doing so. But if anyone had known at the time, it would have devastated us all. Even now it could bring back the risk of civil war.” Kira pulled her hair in frustration. “I don’t know if Winn knows this, or if she is satisfied to believe it was Bareil. She definitely knew what she was doing when she started this investigation.”

“I think we’ve all been played like puppets Major.”

“You know this puppet doesn’t like her strings being pulled.” Kira seethed.

Dax looked to Kira, seeing her quietly fuming, and ready to explode. “Major, you look like you need to let off some steam. Fancy some sparring practise down in the gym.”

She unclenched her jaw, not realising she had been so transparent. “Actually I think that would be a good idea, for everyone’s sake.”

“You don’t mind, do you Ben?” Dax checked quickly, and he waved his hand at her to go.

“I’ve got reports to work on. I’m sure this was been quite a stressful time for you Major. When you’re on duty next I wouldn’t mind sitting down to discuss how we’re going to deal with this new Kai Winn situation.” 

She nodded at him. “It’s going to be a challenge for us all.” She turned to leave. “I’ll meet you down at the gym once I’ve dropped this off.”

“I have to change too.” Dax smiled at her, seeing her tension ease slightly with the offer. “I won’t be long.”

“Don’t break any bones.” Sisko warned Dax, judging what kind of temper Kira was in. 

“I’ll go easy on her.” Dax winked.

“I meant yours.”

=/\=

Kira arrived at the gym, changed into lighter clothes for a workout, and wrapping her hands in layers of cloth to protect her knuckles. Starfleet officers often used moulded gloves, but she liked the simplicity of a few straps of cloth, wrapped around her hand and adjusted to her needs. It had suited her in the Resistance, and it still worked now.

“I see you’re prepared.” She mentioned to Dax, who was waiting on the edge of the mat with punching pads and gloves ready, and the punching bag hanging over to the side.

“Well I wasn’t sure how or what you wanted to hit. Other than the smug look off Winn's face.”

This hit a nerve with Kira, tucking the last of the fabric into her fist as she glared. “I’ve had many daydreams about it.” She admitted.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Dax offered.

“I thought we were here to let me blow off steam. Talking isn’t going to help.” Kira picked up the punching pad mitts.

“Okay, let’s do this.” Dax stood up with the mitts over her hands, readying herself for the impact. The first punch to them almost knocked Dax over with the intensity, and she grounded her foot firmer to the mat. Kira swung a few more hard blows at the pads, the sound echoing throughout the room.

Kira grunted as she threw a few more punches. “I just hate the woman.” Talk of Winn made her lose focus, and she missed the pad, her fist skimming past Dax’s cheek. “Shit. Sorry.” Kira brushed some stray hair back off her face as she tried to refocus.

“It’s okay. I need to defend myself better.” Dax raised her hands again to ready herself.

Kira started up with a barrage of faster hits to the pads. Dax tried to absorb the impact of each punch, but Kira was too fast for her.

“Stop a moment.” Dax asked, and Kira dropped her arms, bouncing on her toes from the adrenaline rush. “Do you want the punching bag, or at least the bigger target to hit?”

“Sorry, I’ve come on too hard, haven’t I?” Kira felt she had overstepped Dax’s offer.

“No need to apologise for your strength. It’s a quality about you that I admire.”

“Thanks.” Kira was still too angry to fully accept the compliment, but acknowledged it anyway. “Maybe the punching bag. My head is not quite there for sparring. I’d probably do something stupid and injure one of us.”

“Always good to know your limits.” Dax pulled the punching bag over, tethered to a rail on the ceiling. “Okay, do your worst Major.” Dax steeled herself against the bag as Kira lay into it with her fists.

“I’m just so angry at Winn." Kira hit harder as she said her name.

“I know.” Dax groaned as Kira slammed the bag into her.

“She’s manipulative.” Thwack. “And power hungry.” Thwack. “And she used me.” Thwack. “Against a friend.” Thwack. “That I care for.” Thwack. “And everyone on the station.” Thwack, thwack. “She makes me feel dirty.” Kira pummelled at the punching bag, falling exhausted against it. For good measure she kicked her foot at the bag. “She’s got an agenda of her own, and what is good for Bajor isn’t on that list.” She gasped between heavy breaths.

“Hopefully she shows her hand soon.”

“I hope so, before I break my hand.” She flexed her fingers, making sure she hadn’t broken any bones.

“Feeling better?” Dax queried.

“For now.” Kira admitted, breathing hard from the exertion.

Dax let go of the punching bag, grabbing the bottles of water she’d replicated before they’d started. She turned back to see Kira sprawled out on her back across the mat, her chest still rising and falling with each breath, but otherwise still.

“Here, have a drink.” Dax dropped the bottle beside Kira, slowly lowering herself to the floor near her. “I think we’ve cleared everyone out of here.”

“Not the first time I’ve cleared a room with my temper." She mused, holding up her hand to Dax. Dax held her by the wrist and pulled her up to sit, curling her legs up to her chest. 

“It’s understandable that this has been a stressful time for you.”

“It all couldn’t have happened at a worse time.”

Dax nudged Kira the bottle, sipping from her bottle as sweat started running across her brow. “Because of the choosing?”

Kira shook her head, taking a long, cooling drink. “The night before Winn turned up on the station, and Kubus too, I stayed the night with Antos. In his bed.”

“Oh.” Dax drew it out long, realising the extra layer of complexity. “That does complicate the matter.”

“I thought it would be a good chance, since we might not get the time if he were to be elected. And we’ve been dating for quite a few months. I wasn’t expecting anything like this... mess, from the Kendra Valley massacre to all happen and now I regret what we did.”

“It wasn’t a good experience, or just because of what happened after?”

“After.” Kira let out a long sigh. “The experience itself was nice.”

"Just nice?” Dax raised an eyebrow in query.

“I’m beginning to realise I just really don’t like sex with men. It filled a physical need but even then I didn’t... you know.”

“No orgasm?” Dax guessed.

Kira shook her head, sighing. “I faked it. I mean he tried so hard but in the end I just wanted it over so I could get some sleep.”

"So he can’t kiss, and he can’t make you come, what is he good for?” 

“The conversation is engaging.” Kira offered.

Dax burst out laughing, putting her arm around Kira’s shoulder to hug her. “That’s a horrible week to have. At least allow me to satisfy you later.”

Kira sighed, leaning up against her. “You always do.” She slowly started unwinding the cloth around her hands. “If I break it off with him now, I could use the reasoning of conflicting feelings over all this mess about the Kendra Valley Massacre.”

“You want to end it?”

“My heart was never in it in the first place. He was an alibi, and just convenient timing. I think I spend more time trying to make this sham relationship work than I do on ours.”

“Over seven lifetimes I’ve come to realise that relationships aren’t hard work if it’s right.”

“It’s probably telling of who I’d rather be with. I only want to stay with Bareil because of that stupid law on Bajor that would condemn me.”

“Oh Nerys,” she pulled Kira in closer, “I wish I could just whisk you away to some beautiful little planet where we could live in the open together, not having to worry about any of this.”

Kira curled into her, resting her head on her shoulder. “Bajor needs me Jadzia. I may have put down my gun, but I am still needed to help rebuild Bajor, and keep it safe from the likes of our new Kai.”

“I know sweetheart. Just go easy on yourself. You’ve done such a great job for Bajor already.”

“Really?” Kira looked up at Dax, enjoying the feel of Dax’s hand on her cheek, fingers gently stroking her hair.

“Really.” Dax confirmed. “You should talk to Ben about this. He’s got the Starfleet training, he could really help with Winn.”

“You’ve been talking about me to him, haven’t you?”

“Purely professional. You know I would never divulge anything personal.”

“I know.” Kira glanced around the gym to confirm that it was empty, then lent forward to kiss Dax. “Hmm, you smell good.” Kira sighed.

“I’m all sweaty after that workout you gave me. You hit hard.”

“Even your sweat smells good. He doesn’t smell as good as you do.” She stared at Dax a while, mesmerized by her blue eyes. “Thanks for letting me blow off steam. You always know what I need.”

“Any time you need to, just ask me.”

“Shall we go back to my quarters for a shower?”

“Together?”

Kira grinned knowingly, slowly getting up and offering Dax a hand to pull her up too.


	4. After Fascination

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dax feels the need to appologise for what happened when the station was suffering the affects with Zanthi fever, And they piece to ggether what else happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set after Fascination.

Three days later the romantic impulses of Ambassador Troi had dissipated from those who had been infected by her.

Kira sat quietly on the floor of airlock C, watching the flickering of her small prayer candle. She wasn’t sure why it had become her favourite airlock for meditation, but she had made sure to schedule other ships to any other docking port so she could have some guaranteed peace for a few hours.

She stared at the flame, breathing deeply from her belly and pushing all the air out her lungs before one slow, controlled intake.

Footsteps in the distance grew louder and it pulled her from her meditation.

“Hi Jadzia.” She said as the footsteps stopped by the stairs.

“How did you know?” Dax asked, sitting down beside her and weaving her long legs under her. “I thought I was quiet.”

“Not quiet enough. Many years of practice listening for Cardassians. Besides, you have a very distinct rhythm to your step.”

Dax looked at her, impressed by her skills and observations.

“The only other person here who can sneak up on me is Odo when he softens his shoes. I’ve been trying to teach Odo’s security team, but only those who were in the Resistance seem to have the knack for it.”

“Ahh.” Dax sat quietly with her for a while. “I feel I need to apologise for...”

Kira waved her hand to dismiss the idea. “No. No you don’t. None of us were in control. I mean, Bashir? I can’t stand the man.”

“Well he has shown you kindness and understanding to your experiences. Maybe it’s a little understandable. I mistook my friendship with Benjamin as romance. I’ve never thought of him like that. But it was Bareil I wanted to apologise for.”

“Oh.” Kira said quietly. “That’s also not your fault.” She took her hand, lacing their fingers together. “I have a feeling he knows about us, or at least suspects something is going on. He mentioned how jealous he is of you, that you get to spend all this time with me.” She took a deep breath, slowly letting it out and looking at Dax in the eyes. “He proposed to me.”

“Ahh. That would explain why he tried to give me a betrothal bracelet.”

“He did!?”

“At Benjamin’s party. Just before I knocked him out. You don’t remember? You and Julian were making out the whole time.”

“You knocked him out?” Kira looked at her in shock.

“He tried to fight Benjamin for my hand.” She nervously laughed. “He’s really quite a lightweight. I knocked him out cold.”

“Oh wow. I missed that part of the party.”

“I may have then tried to propose to Benjamin with it.”

“May have?! Glad I said no then. I didn’t realise that bracelet had been given to so many before me.”

“How do you feel about being asked?” Dax gently ran her hand over Kira’s cheek, sensing a sadness in her decision.

“I feel guilty. He’s giving his whole heart to this relationship that I’m in just for a bit of fun and maybe as an experiment. He told me he was ready to move to the station for us to be together, he’d put in a transfer request to become a Vedek at the station’s temple.”

“Not even tempted by his request?”

Kira shook her head vehemently. “Not even for a second. It’s you that I love. And besides, Bajoran marriages are for life, and we’d both make a vow of fidelity. I can’t make that vow to him.”

“I understand.”

“He thinks I'm going to think it over. Probably hoping I will change my mind. I might just break it off with him instead. Let him find happiness with someone who can love him back.”

“If that’s what you want to do.”

“I don’t want to lie to him. Maybe in the future I should be more like you. The occasional date or a fling with a passing ships captain. Two relationships at once is just too much to deal with.”

“You know that I support you whatever you choose, but maybe it is time to cut the cord on this one.”

“Well if nothing else it’s helped me understand something about myself.”

“And what’s that?”

Kira turned to face Dax. “That I really do prefer women.” She kissed Dax on the lips. “Nothing that I did with him compares to how you make me feel.”

Dax smiled, leaning in for another kiss and gently pushing Kira back onto the decking and laying down on top of her. For a moment they kissed, caressing each others bodies before Kira slowly pulled away.

“Zia, not here. I don’t want any noises we make to attract the attention of any cargo bay workers, and there is a naked flame somewhere really close to me on the ground.” 

Dax jumped, pulling Kira away from where the candle still sat. She ran her hand over the fabric on Kira’s hip. “No harm done.”

“Oh good. I didn’t want to explain that if I had to requestion a new uniform.”

Dax curled back onto her feet, taking Kira’s hand and pulling them both up to stand. “Let’s go back to my place to continue this.”

Kira picked up the candle on the ground, blowing it out and then slipping her arm around Dax's waist. Checking the docking bay for workers they quickly returned to Dax’s quarters.


	5. After Life Support

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kira says goodbye to Bareil and confesses all.

Bashir had told her it was now only a matter of time. There was no more treatment, no more possibilities, no more hope. There was just time, and that was fast running out.

Kira wasn’t sure if Bareil could hear her, he certainly didn’t respond to her talking. Maybe it was for her own peace that she sat with him, telling him stories she had never got around to and praying over his pagh.

The lights still flashed on the biobed, his heart beat. No matter how much Kira willed it, it got slower and slower.

“Antos, I know your body can’t hold out much longer, but I have to tell you, even if you can’t hear me, or respond to me. You have to know, you weren’t the only one to share my heart. You didn’t even have a fair share either. I never could give you more.” She stared at the flashing light, hoping it held out. “You were right to be jealous of Jadzia. We did spend a lot of time together. We share a lot, a bed as well.” She sniffed, wiping her eyes. “I’m sorry I could never be honest with you. I’m sure you would have understood. I know you dismissed those moral laws as outdated Bajoran ideas. I don’t know if you would have agreed to share me, but I’m sure you would have understood. I never intended to hurt you.” She looked down at his hand limply in hers. “We are happy though. So very happy. I love her Antos. So don’t worry that I’ll be alone once you are gone. I won’t be alone.” She looked at the biobed lights, the flash of light now barely a flicker. Holding his hands in hers and placing them over his heart, she loudly started praying in Bajoran the final prayer to guide his pagh to the Celestial Temple.

=/\=

Bashir had been monitoring Bareil’s vital signs from his office. He’d called time of death over half an hour ago. Kira was still in there with him, and he realised that she probably needed help to walk away.

He quietly padded into the dimly lit treatment room, seeing Kira sitting by the bed, hands over his heart, tears marking her face.

“He’s gone.” She whispered, not looking away from Bareil.

“I know. Half an hour ago.” He shut off the biobed lights. “He’s walking with the Prophets now Nerys.” Whether he believed it didn’t matter, but he’d learnt over the last two years that the comfort of the Prophets helped his Bajoran patients.

“He is.” Still she didn’t move, or even look up to acknowledge him.

He took her gently by the elbow, guiding her to move. “Let’s have some tea in my office.” She let him lead her to his office where she quietly in the stiff backed chair. He ordered a pot of tea from the replicator, along with two cups and honey. He poured the tea out for her, stirring in some honey before offering her the cup. “It’s earth chamomile tea. It’s meant to help with relaxation and sleep.”

She sniffed it cautiously, then sipped it, cradling the tea cup in her hands.

“Now Commander Sisko wanted me to tell you that you have at least tomorrow off, but to take as much time as you need.”

“That won’t be necessary Doctor.”

“It is entirely necessary. Grief is an unpredictable emotion, and I believe tomorrow there will be prayer services here and other traditions for Bareil that are your right to be part of. Commander Sisko assumed you’d be returning to Bajor for them.”

“Oh,” Kira looked down at the tea. “I guess so.” She swirled the tea around her cup, watching it for a while. “Believe it or not, but this is the first time I’ve ever had the time to deal with death. In the Resistance we never had time for full funeral rights. We were lucky if we had time to say the final prayer as we were digging graves.”

“You’ve dug graves before?” 

“We all had to. I dug my father’s grave too. The Cardassians use to desecrate our dead if they found Bajoran bodies.” She paused, sipping her tea. “Not the kind of things I should be talking of if we have a treaty now.” She chided herself.

“You can talk about what you need to.” He put his hand over hers on her cup but she pulled away from him.

“I... I should...” She stared out the door, wanting to leave but not feeling capable of doing it. 

“Would you like me to walk you back to your quarters?”

She shook her head, not feeling like making small talk with Bashir right now.

He had an idea. “Is there anyone else you’d like to help you back to your quarters? Maybe Jadzia?”

She wiped the dried tears crusted around her eyes, slowly nodding.

“Bashir to Dax.” He tapped his comm badge. “Can you please come down to the infirmary.”

“Oh, it’s happened? I’ll be there shortly.” Dax responded. 

Not long after Dax appeared beside her, crouching down by her side and putting a caring hand on her thigh. Kira just held it silently.

“I believe Kira would like someone to walk her out of here.” Bashir explained to Dax. He lay a hypospray on the table by the tea pot. “That’s a sedative to help you sleep tonight Nerys. And make sure you have plenty of water to drink so you don’t get dehydrated. You can lose a lot of fluids from tears.” 

Kira nodded, putting the tea cup down and picking up the hypo to take with her. Eventually she got up, and walking side by side with Dax’s firm hand on her back guiding her out the Infirmary past the treatment room.


End file.
